Universes
This post is by far the most personal I’ve ever written. A lot of things changed lately, in my world and the outside world, as in my view for each of us there are two worlds: our world, which contains people and events we care about, and this universe is wide and contain family, friends, but also your role models, your favorite football or basketball team, a podcaster or the political party you support, and there is also an “external” world, made of people and events that don’t matter to you and that is at most a thought crossing your mind.
My world changed sharply in the last months and I felt that it keeps taking me out of the comfort zone and shapes me more into the man I want to become, both professional and personal. Looking backward, I realize I have made a lot of mistakes and a significant part of them was because I couldn’t listen to my inner voice so I lost myself or I made decisions and actions based on fears and my lack of self-confidence which is a side effect of not knowing myself deeply, or I simply preferred to remain in my comfort zone.
Also, the external world changed a lot, but one step I made to become a better version of myself is to ignore this universe and don’t let anything from it touch me in any way.
No one is defined by a single feature
Everything you read here it’s just my opinion, and not even that, I’m not that smart. I listen to a pretty wide variety of people and I tried to embed in me the wisdom and perspectives I found inspiring, wise or motivational. Just to drop some names, I follow and think about the opinions and views of people such as Naval Ravikant, Richard Feynman, Lex Fridman, Peter Thiel, Jordan Peterson, Elon Musk, Sam Harris, Rachel Thomas, Eric Weinstein, Conor McGregor, Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Suzan Polgar, Jack Dorsey, George Carlin, Joe Rogan and others.
They are entrepreneurs, comedians, athletes, scientists, psychologists, but they are much more than that: they are parents, lovers, children, thinkers, sports players and many other things. I believe none of us are defined only by one side or activity of our life and it took me 22 years to understand that. We can grow in almost any aspect of our life, but it can be horribly painful. It will probably involve losing sleep, people you love, dead ends and restarts, deception, maybe physical pain, but in the end, everything worths. During these journeys, even if I made all the possible mistakes, I start understanding myself and each part of me which grew brought me closer to the balanced man I want to be. In a conversation about style and clothes, one of my wisest friends explained to me that her style flourished when she started understanding herself, and that should be my aim and the rest will come naturally. This idea made me understand even more that the journey is very important as well, not only the destination, and I am deeply grateful for that, as well as for other perspectives she helped me to improve.
Growth
One of the main things I learned from Naval is that first of all, one should pick their battle(s). This sounds simple but in reality it is very difficult, at least for me. As Naval explains, desire is a pact you make with yourself to be unhappy until you achieve that goal, but having too many, too broad or vague goals make you lose focus and be in a continuous unhappy state or even decrease your self-confidence. Tackling a problem and not allowing anything else affect your mood will make you more efficient but also will isolate that activity from all the negativity. I think that one of the best examples is going to the gym where you just focus on doing your training and your mood is not affected by your problems, and that feels great: you are doing one thing and you dedicate your mind and body for that..and in the end you’ll grow, you make progress.
However, growth is not linear or predictable: what do you feel now as a terrible thing may be the trigger of your evolution or what you needed to become free and the real you. We don’t have the same goals, views or feelings and this is what makes us interesting..you may believe in a business idea which seems like a dead-end for everyone, you may fall in love with that person who doesn’t seem suitable for you but you are the only one who sees their potential, you may want to move to that city or country where you’re the only one who believes that it is suitable for you…and you should do it. That business or relationship may not work, but the experience and what you become and the end of that is priceless and will show you parts of you that you didn’t know about. This makes you who you are.
Mamba
Some of those people I follow and have as role models in different aspects of my life are not alive anymore, but it doesn’t change a thing in the way I perceive them. They are always alive in my mind and memories and this is how probably everyone perceives their heroes like this. Kobe’s death was very impactful for my world, as he is one of my heroes and especially after he retired we could see other parts of him: a great father, husband, coach and a man willing to do everything to inspire others in becoming a better version of themselves.
Every time I speak about Kobe, I remember what he said about his career and life: “I did everything I could so at the end of my career I will have no regrets about what I could have been” and looking inside me, this is the major thing that guides me: minimize the regrets. But focusing on that without a personal and emotional balance can be misguiding and can make you do things which you’ll perceive as wrong after you grow, but it’s just what you think as the best thing to do at that time. This is normal and there shouldn’t be regrets about that, and analyzing your mistakes from the past will make you better when a new opportunity will appear..and it will appear if you look for them. After a person you love leaves your life or your idea or start-up fail or when you have a goal and you didn’t succeed, it hurts (especially if you take yourself too seriously)…but you gain a lot from that journey: you discover your behavior in that situation and how those contexts change who you are and how you see the world, and after you get over the failure you’ll understand what you want and how to be better for the next time. As Jordan said “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
The end
I think there is no end. Nothing ends, the impact of an event or person and how these are part of yourself and how you change the universe around you just become more subtle and the implications in your life and world are more difficult to be associated with that. Improving yourself day by day, physically, mentally, as a lover, as a (future) parent, employer, employee, friend, colleague, athlete, person will make you happier and in a great relationship with yourself, and that is the fundament of all growth…but don’t believe me, go try it yourself.